A Moment of Clarity

Last night I had one of those "God-moments" that shake you to the core of your soul. It was beautiful.
I knew I had needed to go to Confession. Like everyone in history since The Fall, I dread going to confession. Like Adam and Eve, I'd rather hide myself than show my ashamed face to God. After sitting in Adoration for a good half hour torturing myself about the need to go, a horrible, ugly past memory popped into my head. Without sharing too many personal details, I was disgusted with myself. The thought of all the times I had gone to mass and still received the Body and Blood of Christ with this ugliness laying on my shoulders was nearly enough to make me run to the back of the church to the confessional. I rapidly confessed my sins, wanting so much to get this darkness in my heart out into the light. The priest, acting in persona Christi, gently reminded me to continue to pray to the Holy Spirit for an attentiveness to keeping God present in my life. He told me the Lord wants to love me and I need to let him.
Back in the church, I knelt down to say my penance. All of a sudden, I was weeping. Tears streamed down my face as the glory of God's love and mercy was revealed to me in that moment. For an instance I clearly understood what it meant to be loved by God, and what it means to be called his child. In that moment nothing else mattered; it was just me and God-loving each other.
This powerful moment was only minutes long, but the peace and calm that washed over me afterwards has stayed with me even to this morning. The Lord knew I needed to experience him in a real way. When I deny myself of his grace, he always pours it down on me in abundance anyway.

"By your mercy we come to your table, by your grace you are making us faithful."

You're my Beloved

"Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But God, to a Christian, says,
"No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by me alone, with giving yourself totally and reservedly to me, with having an intensely personal and unique relationship with me alone.
Discovering that only in me is your satisfaction to be found, will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with me alone, exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings.
I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow me to give you the most thrilling plan existing, one that you cannot imagine. Please allow me to bring it to you. You just keep watching me, expecting the greatest things. Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am. Keep listening and learning the things I tell you.
You just wait.
That's all.
Don't be anxious.
Don't worry.
Don't look at the things you think you want; you just keep looking off and away up to me,
or you'll miss what I want to show you.
And then when you are ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you could dream of.
You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready ( I am working even at this moment to have you both ready at the same time), until you both are satisfied exclusively with me and the life I prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplified your relationship with me.
And this is the perfect love.
And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love, I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with myself.
Know that I love utterly.
I Am God.
Believe it and be satisfied."
~St. Anthony of Padua

Never too old

There are some things in life I don't think I will ever grow "too old" for:

~Looking forward to and counting down the days until Christmas break

~The magical feeling of this time of year

~Setting up the advent wreath and our little manger

~Christmas lights

~Sitting with my mom and planning what cookies and sweet treats we will bake and then making entirely too many!

~Snow! There is just something special about a white Christmas

~Waking up to find presents under the tree

~The anticipation! I love the Advent season, it is such a beautiful time of preparation