A Moment of Clarity

Last night I had one of those "God-moments" that shake you to the core of your soul. It was beautiful.
I knew I had needed to go to Confession. Like everyone in history since The Fall, I dread going to confession. Like Adam and Eve, I'd rather hide myself than show my ashamed face to God. After sitting in Adoration for a good half hour torturing myself about the need to go, a horrible, ugly past memory popped into my head. Without sharing too many personal details, I was disgusted with myself. The thought of all the times I had gone to mass and still received the Body and Blood of Christ with this ugliness laying on my shoulders was nearly enough to make me run to the back of the church to the confessional. I rapidly confessed my sins, wanting so much to get this darkness in my heart out into the light. The priest, acting in persona Christi, gently reminded me to continue to pray to the Holy Spirit for an attentiveness to keeping God present in my life. He told me the Lord wants to love me and I need to let him.
Back in the church, I knelt down to say my penance. All of a sudden, I was weeping. Tears streamed down my face as the glory of God's love and mercy was revealed to me in that moment. For an instance I clearly understood what it meant to be loved by God, and what it means to be called his child. In that moment nothing else mattered; it was just me and God-loving each other.
This powerful moment was only minutes long, but the peace and calm that washed over me afterwards has stayed with me even to this morning. The Lord knew I needed to experience him in a real way. When I deny myself of his grace, he always pours it down on me in abundance anyway.

"By your mercy we come to your table, by your grace you are making us faithful."

You're my Beloved

"Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But God, to a Christian, says,
"No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by me alone, with giving yourself totally and reservedly to me, with having an intensely personal and unique relationship with me alone.
Discovering that only in me is your satisfaction to be found, will you be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with me alone, exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings.
I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow me to give you the most thrilling plan existing, one that you cannot imagine. Please allow me to bring it to you. You just keep watching me, expecting the greatest things. Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am. Keep listening and learning the things I tell you.
You just wait.
That's all.
Don't be anxious.
Don't worry.
Don't look at the things you think you want; you just keep looking off and away up to me,
or you'll miss what I want to show you.
And then when you are ready, I'll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than any you could dream of.
You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready ( I am working even at this moment to have you both ready at the same time), until you both are satisfied exclusively with me and the life I prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplified your relationship with me.
And this is the perfect love.
And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love, I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me, and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with myself.
Know that I love utterly.
I Am God.
Believe it and be satisfied."
~St. Anthony of Padua

Never too old

There are some things in life I don't think I will ever grow "too old" for:

~Looking forward to and counting down the days until Christmas break

~The magical feeling of this time of year

~Setting up the advent wreath and our little manger

~Christmas lights

~Sitting with my mom and planning what cookies and sweet treats we will bake and then making entirely too many!

~Snow! There is just something special about a white Christmas

~Waking up to find presents under the tree

~The anticipation! I love the Advent season, it is such a beautiful time of preparation

The Not So Ugly Truth

A few weekends ago I rented the movie "The Ugly Truth" thinking I would be entertained for maybe 2 hours with another predictable and cheesy chick flick. I was outraged by the time I was through, and now looking back, I can't believe I let myself watch the entire thing! Besides the vulgar and completely inappropriate humor and the lack of dignity brought to the human body, this movie showcased the stereotypical relationship between man and woman: men are sex machines and women are the objects set before them to fulfill their need. I was disgusted.
The movie is set around a girl named Abby who has "romantic" ideas of the perfect guy. She has a list of all the things she wants in the man she dates. Mike is a rude, grotesque man that has a show entitled "The Ugly Truth" where he states that men just want sex and nothing more. To him, there is no such thing as a relationship and love. Mike helps Abby snag her "perfect guy" by teaching her all the things guys want a girl to be. Basically, he tells her that since guys are thinking about sex all the time, women need to be open to doing anything men want to satisfy their needs. Blah, Blah, Blah..the twisted story goes on.

I swear, this movie exemplifies why society today has such a distorted view of sex, love, marriage and relationships. We have grown up to think that in- the- moment pleasure, and getting exactly what we want, when we want it is all we need to be satisfied.

Call me crazy, but I disagree. I believe men are capable of self control. I believe that a human body can be seen more than as an object. I believe sex is a beautiful thing and strengthens a marriage. "To the Christian, sex is inseparable from the person, and to reduce the person to sex is as silly as to reduce personality to lungs or a thorax." (Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen)
All humans were made with a desire to love and be loved in return. It's a basic need of ours whether we are willing to admit it or not. People are so crazed about finding this love that at times, we're willing to settle for pleasure instead of searching for that true love. Some of us have maybe even thought that this fake love is all we're ever going to get, so we better enjoy ourselves. The good news is that love-and I mean real, true love, is available to everyone. We just have to be patient to find it. This fact is what makes the virtue of chastity so beautiful. Chastity can be defined as the power to love others in the right way and it brings dignity to our bodies and our search for love. "The human body shares in the dignity of the 'image of God': it is a human body precisely because it is animated by a spiritual soul, and it is the whole human person that is intended to become, in the body of Christ, a temple of the Spirit." (CCC #364).
If we understand chastity is all about freedom; the freedom to let our reason control our desires and not the other way around, then we have a clearer understanding of our relationship with one another and the beauty of sex within marriage.

"Love is primarily in the will, not in the emotions or the glands. The will is like the voice; the emotions are like the echo. The pleasure associated with love, or what is today called "sex," is the frosting on the cake; its purpose is to make us love the cake, not ignore it. The greatest illusion of lovers is to believe that the intensity of their sexual attraction is the guarantee of the perpetuity of their love. It is because of this failure to distinguish between the glandular and spiritual--or between sex which we have in common with animals, and love which we have in common with God--that marriages are so full of deception. What some people love is not a person, but the experience of being in love. The first is irreplaceable; the second is not. As soon as the glands cease to react with their pristine force, couples who identified emotionalism and love claim they no longer love one another. If such is the case they never loved the other person in the first place; they only loved being loved, which is the highest form of egotism."

As the wonderful Fulton Sheen stated above, sex is the frosting on the cake, but lets not forget the cake!

The Apostolate of Beauty

"You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord, and a royal diadem in the hand of your God. You shall be called my delight is in her for the Lord delights in you." Isaiah 62: 3-5

This week during my bible studies, I took a survey and asked 2 questions: 1. what makes women beautiful? 2. What makes you beautiful?

All the women had no problem answering the first question, but coming to the second one, I had a girl ask me if she could just leave it blank. My heart broke in pieces. A beautiful woman, made in the image and likeness of God, couldn't think of one reason why she's beautiful. I've heard it said that, where your wounds are, there also your mission lies. My passion is to show how much God loves us and how breathtakingly beautiful we all are because we are all sons and daughters of the King of Kings!

"There is such a thing as The Apostolate of Beauty Do not be ashamed to think of that!You are young, attractive, vivacious;Do you realize that when Beauty is virtuous, it is more appealing than anything else there is.You may recognize that the Lord has given me the power of words, but he has given to you this other power.And it is more powerful, really, because, as the ancient Greeks knew, everyone loves beauty.So practice it."~Fulton J Sheen

A Problem

"Many children these days know far too much too soon, and as a result they end up, in some fundamental way, not knowing-stunted and cut off from all they could be. If you are not taught that you "really" want just sex, you end up seeking much more. The peculiar way our culture tries to prevent young women from seeking more than "just sex," the way it attempts to rid us of our romantic hopes or, variously, our embarrassment and our "hang-ups" is a very misguided effort. It is, I will argue, no less than an attempt to cure womanhood itself, and in many cases it has actually put us in danger."
Wendy Shalit " A Return to Modesty: Discovering the lost virtue"

This is so true.

Rejection at it's finest

I prayed my rosary, I prayed my holy hour and I attended Mass...I was thinking I had more than enough grace to get me through the day....and I did...I was ready to take on the world...

My job allows me to experience many good and joyful things. It is always surprising, and always interesting. Yesterday I experienced another all too real side of my work - rejection. Complete and utter rejection multiple times. The hits just kept on coming! What started off as a very busy and full day almost ended without victory, or so it seemed. Obviously the Lord had something else to show me yesterday.
Every appointment, meeting and fun hang out session I had in my planner was canceled! I received text messages from girls saying they no longer could get together, so not too bruised yet I kept chugging along, making different plans with different people. Those plans got canceled too! Nothing could tempt these girls! No coffee, no $10 manicures - nada!
So I nursed my wounded ego with a good latte, said a prayer to the holy spirit and headed back to campus with renewed vigor. I must not have understood my purpose for the day because as I returned to campus I was promptly shut down again with unanswered phones and text message cancellations.

Bummer...
Let's just say by the end of the day, when even my bible study turned down my offer of ice cream I had had enough! The entire way home I yelled in the car, "what the heck! who are these people! Lord, what are you doing?! Today did NOT go the way I had planned!"

Then I realized how stupid I sounded, telling the Lord how I didn't get what I want and how things didn't go the way I had planned. It was so typical of me. I immediately shut up and thought long and hard about my day again, this time with the sense of wanting to see the Lord's goodness in all this rejection.
I was blessed to share in the rejection of our Lord. How many times does He have people say no, turn away and not think twice? Somewhere, someone was benefiting from my suffering and I learned a lesson in humility. I got to take up another piece of my cross and carry it with the Lord for the day.

Maybe the day wasn't so bad day after all...
And, lucky for me, I get to do it all over again today!

John 10:10

What were YOU made for?

Simplicity of Love

This weekend at home I went to Mass with my mom at our home parish. The Pastor, Fr. Brian gave a homily that brought me to tears. It was a God-moment; God poured down a flood of graces in just a few minutes time. He told us that just that morning he had received two different calls from parents needing help for their teenagers. One of them was struggling with suicidal thoughts. The other had turned to cutting. It was heartbreaking. How Fr. Brian responded to this was profound for me. He said, "it's my job to go over to talk to them and tell them God loves them, that is all I can do, but it is important they hear it." It is that simple: people need to hear that God loves them. In a culture where young people are surrounded by death and darkness, God's love is the beacon of light we are all desperately searching for.

I had a new revelation about my job. I am a missionary and I get to tell people all the time about God. So it's very easy at times to forget what a gift this work is. I was renewed with a conviction that while I may not be the best at what I do all the time, I can never be bad at sharing love. Everyone needs to hear that God loves them each and every moment.
Have you been told lately that God loves you? He does. Don't ever forget it.

Mission:Possible

"My Mission is to make God loved!" ~St. Therese

St. Therese says it the best, and so I'm stealing her words.

The Mystery of Femininity

In reading "The Privilege of being a woman" by Alice von Hildebrand, my eyes have been opened to a beautiful reality about femininity. There is a sacredness about a woman's body because she is the only person with the ability to carry two souls within her. A man and a woman do play an important part of procreation but it is God who creates the child. Man and woman cannot create something out of nothing; only God has that power. When a child is conceived, God creates the child in the woman's body. Von Hildebrand writes, "This implies a direct contact between Him and the mother-to-be, a contact in which the father plays no role whatsoever. This contact give the female body a note of sacredness, for any closeness with God and one of His creatures is stamped by His Holy Seal." The sacredness of a woman's body needs to be protected. This is why a woman's mission should be to guard and protect the virtue of purity. God saw the womb as a fitting place for His only son to dwell for 9 months, and so we too should look upon the womb as a sacred place and worthy of protection. "If, in schools today, little girls were taught to honor their bodies and were taught the great mystery that lies within them, purity would be more guaranteed and kept." (von Hildebrand).

It saddens me to think that feminists of today have managed to convince women of the ideas that The Church is sexist. It is in fact, the very opposite. Our Blessed Mother paved the way for all women 2,000 years ago when the words "Blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus" were first spoken.

World of Souls

"He showed me the book of Nature, and I understood that every flower created by Him is beautiful, that the brilliance of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not lessen the perfume of the violet or the sweet simplicity of the daisy. I understood that if all the lowly flowers wished to be roses, nature would lose her spring tide beauty, and the fields would no longer be enamelled with lovely hues.

It is the same in the world of souls. Our Lord's living garden. He has been pleased to create great saints who may be compared to the lily and the rose; but He has also created lesser ones, who must be content to be daisies or simple violets flowering at His feet, and whose mission is to gladden His divine eyes when He deigns to look down on them: the more joyfully they do His will, the greater is their perfection."

~St. Therese of Lisieux The Story of a Soul

A new motto

"Being Hepburn in a Hilton world"

That is actually a book title. As I was having lunch today with a dear friend, she told me that she discovered this book in Barnes and Noble while waiting for me to arrive. I instantly fell in love with the title alone and wanted her to explain more about the book. The author, who I can't remember, wrote an entire book about how femininity needs to be reclaimed. She wrote about how it is more stylish for a woman to have virtue, to let men pursue her and to be beautiful with who she is. This book is right up my ally and SO true!

How different the world's definition of classy is. How true the author was about how a woman is more honored for how many men she has slept with, than for the true hero of the devoted wife and mother. Deep down inside the heart of every woman there is a desire to be loved and to love. This desire has been destorted in so many ways in this culture, but it is there because The Lord placed it inside each one of our hearts! I want to help women reclaim this desire, to embrace it and strive passionatly for love of God, themselves and then others.

Audrey Hepburn is a classy woman. She is a model of beauty any woman can look up to. The only woman who has her beat is the Blessed Virgin. She is the most beautiful woman to have ever graced the earth. I may look up to Audrey and let her give me some fashion pointers, but it is the humble and faithful Mother of My Lord that I will look to for guidance and to shape my heart. She brings me closer to her son than anyone else.

"Being Hepburn in a Hilton world" is my new motto..I will change the culture for women one classy act at a time!