A Moment of Clarity

Last night I had one of those "God-moments" that shake you to the core of your soul. It was beautiful.
I knew I had needed to go to Confession. Like everyone in history since The Fall, I dread going to confession. Like Adam and Eve, I'd rather hide myself than show my ashamed face to God. After sitting in Adoration for a good half hour torturing myself about the need to go, a horrible, ugly past memory popped into my head. Without sharing too many personal details, I was disgusted with myself. The thought of all the times I had gone to mass and still received the Body and Blood of Christ with this ugliness laying on my shoulders was nearly enough to make me run to the back of the church to the confessional. I rapidly confessed my sins, wanting so much to get this darkness in my heart out into the light. The priest, acting in persona Christi, gently reminded me to continue to pray to the Holy Spirit for an attentiveness to keeping God present in my life. He told me the Lord wants to love me and I need to let him.
Back in the church, I knelt down to say my penance. All of a sudden, I was weeping. Tears streamed down my face as the glory of God's love and mercy was revealed to me in that moment. For an instance I clearly understood what it meant to be loved by God, and what it means to be called his child. In that moment nothing else mattered; it was just me and God-loving each other.
This powerful moment was only minutes long, but the peace and calm that washed over me afterwards has stayed with me even to this morning. The Lord knew I needed to experience him in a real way. When I deny myself of his grace, he always pours it down on me in abundance anyway.

"By your mercy we come to your table, by your grace you are making us faithful."